Sunrise Sunset

"Is that the little girl I carried?

Is that the little boy at play?"

He stopped the cassette, pulled it out of the player, and put it table of the R.V.. Bee will like that one, she sang it with the "Sweet Adeline's". Lots of good songs on that tape. Why hadn't he labeled the songs on each tape? The time to sweat the small stuff had passed, and as he always had said; "It's all small stuff." He placed the cassette on the table with the others, and reached in the box for the next one.The doctors had given him the news, and he wasn't surprised. He had a little time left, and just two more things on the list. He was nearly done.

He set the video camera up, focused in on the mirror, and started the projector. After a few test runs, he was ready. He put in the tape, and hit play. The camera would record the old movies, and the music would provide the soundtrack.

"Wasn't it yesterday,

when they were small?"

Al those years started going by, the house in Pittsburgh, the old Woodie with no heat. The house in Reading, the oak out front, snow, Christmas, summers in Maine. The camera was moving a lot in the beginning, but he got better as the years moved on. There were a lot of moments out of focus, he remembered crying as he filmed. The smiling faces waved to the camera, even during the tough times. The boys in uniform, leaving home, his little girl at her first communion. He thought of the two children that weren't in the movies, the still born boy, and Chris's twin, Timothy. The projector clicked away, and the heated smell of dust and film, blew out of it's vents.

"What words of wisdom can I give them,

How can I help to ease their way?"

The time line jumped all over, Apollo launches, family reunions in St. Mary's. His brothers, sisters and their kids. The golden summers, the camp fires, the sound of his sons playing guitars, and everyone singing along. There had been so many things he wanted to do, so many places he read about, and wanted to visit. He had done the best he could, and God knows that wasn't easy. Seven children, all the pains and joys of watching them grow and struggle. It really never ends when you are a parent. Losing his job at 49, and moving to Florida, to save Chris's lungs from the winters. It was never easy, but it was a good life.

"One season following another,

Laden with happiness and tears."

When these movies were done he would get Bee, and the rig, out to Vegas. She would be with her daughter. Then his work would be done. He wasn't afraid, he was just tired. Two more things on the list, and then he could rest. The images flashed in front of his glasses. He cleaned them with a paper towel, and wiped his eyes and nose. The children grew, there were four, then two. The last of the footage was Bee and him alone. The old house in St. Mary's, Harper's Ferry, San Francisco and Bee walking through the stables in Kentucky. She loved the horses.

"Sunrise, Sunset

Swiftly flow the days

Seedlings turn overnight to sunflowers

Blossoming even as we gaze..."

The movies were done, a handful of video cassettes, it had seemed like a lot more than that. It's funny how a life can be condensed. A few video tapes, a paragraph in some newspaper, some photos in a book. All those memories. He looked out the window at the water, in Panacea, it was nice here. He hated to leave, but he had to get going. Like always, he had things to do, and time was the enemy. One more trip, and then he would be done. He looked at the labels on the tapes, all those moments, in little yellow boxes. He put them all in a box, and taped it shut. He had done the best he could.

"Swiftly fly the years,

Laden with happiness and tears,

Sunrise... Sunset..."

I miss you Dad.

W.B.Z.N.

Changes

Going out west was probably what brought it to the the surface but, it was coming. Then there was the Bump and Grind race. I haven't been that ready for a race ever. It felt good not to be the slow guy for once. The Grand Canyon made me wonder what I was doing with my time, goals and life.

My visit with John, was more ammunition for the argument. He had no interest in getting back in the game. The business, the people, they are toxic and they want you to be sick like them. I thought of a line from a Paul Simon song: "I don't find this stuff amusing anymore."

When I got home my youngest son and I went on a lot of bike rides. He told me he wanted to ride more and maybe race. I sat for two hours and watched the boys play soccer. They are getting good. These are the things I should be doing, this is what makes me feel good and proud.

I called the band and told them it was over. I deleted music industry numbers and contact info out of my phone and my computer. I felt lite and free. When I get home, for the first time in years, all I will have to worry about is, if my bike clothes are clean, why the boys are fighting, and whats on T.V.. If the wife gives me the wink a couple times a week?

Bonus.

W.B.Z.N.

Get Up! Stand Up!

Please post a comment here to convince Magnum to re-launch his blog. I fear a joke of mine went awry, and I may have played a role in the blogs demise.

STAND AND BE COUNTED! MAGNUM.....COMEBACK!!!

What's Going On

"Did you ride to work?"

It was first thing in the morning, so I wasn't as prepared as I normally am. About three words into my reply, the person in question interrupted me, with a tale of how a cyclist gave her the stink eye, for blocking the turn lane.

"Oh I get it." I said, "You just asked me if I rode, so you could tell me why cyclists are assholes....right?"

The look of horror was immediate. How could I be so rude? Her face turned red. Then, I was the happy recipient of a three minute diatribe, on why it is okay to drive in the bike lane, if no one is in it.

"Too bad it's against the law, huh?" I wondered aloud.

I have never been part of such a hated minority before, and I have to tell you, it sucks. People honestly believe we are the problem. I am going to have to avoid such conversations in the future. I will add cycling to the list of politics, religion and other such taboos. Not because I am worried about my social stock rating, but because I am tired of being in a battle of wits, with unarmed Philistines.

W.B.Z.N.

Roll The Bones

My son rolled the Tom Brown stuff yesterday. That's right! I am one of those annoying Dad's that thinks his kid is AWESOME!!!

W.B.Z.N.

Rainbow in the Dark!

John is telling a story about Dio. Someone had an 8x10 photo of him and wrote on the bottom "objects actual size" and they got in trouble. The video stopped before I got the whole story.

Enjoy.

W.B.Z.N.

In A Big Country #4

I have spent some time in central, and south, Texas. Northern Texas is a different animal. The canyons and mesa that decorate the high desert, run from New Mexico, to the northwest edge of this huge state. It flows into a transition of grass and graineries. Once again, we were running from a sunset, toward Amarillo. There were dark skies behind us, and a good light show ahead. I was looking for the Cadillac Ranch, when I noticed all the grass going horizontal. It was blowning from left to right, and a dust devil was forming, in the field opposite us. A cluster of tumbleweeds, a box, and assorted other flotsam, crossed in front of us, at a high rate of speed. Davey was in a grappling match with the steering wheel. A tractor trailer went from the fast lane, to the emergency lane, in one impossible maneuver. We came out from under the front, and decided we should exceed the speed limit for a little while, ozone, and crude prices be damned.

Other than that, the rest of the trip was a montage of diet Pepsi, waffle houses, gas stations and fighting to stay awake, during our shifts.






The day light found us in Hattiesburg Mississippi. We were seven hours from home.


I spent the rest of the ride reminiscing. How could all of this have happened with no notice, and in three days? I thought about John, and how he had made decisions to get off the merry-go-round. He found what he always wanted. I thought about the Grand Canyon, and how a view changed my priorities. I thought about Route 66, and how things change with or without acceptance. This trip proved what I have always known but, had brushed aside. It's all out there, you just have to go see it. Great trips, like great art, should change the way you see things forever.

Mission accomplished.

W.B.Z.N.