Going out west was probably what brought it to the the surface but, it was coming. Then there was the Bump and Grind race. I haven't been that ready for a race ever. It felt good not to be the slow guy for once. The Grand Canyon made me wonder what I was doing with my time, goals and life.
My visit with John, was more ammunition for the argument. He had no interest in getting back in the game. The business, the people, they are toxic and they want you to be sick like them. I thought of a line from a Paul Simon song: "I don't find this stuff amusing anymore."
When I got home my youngest son and I went on a lot of bike rides. He told me he wanted to ride more and maybe race. I sat for two hours and watched the boys play soccer. They are getting good. These are the things I should be doing, this is what makes me feel good and proud.
I called the band and told them it was over. I deleted music industry numbers and contact info out of my phone and my computer. I felt lite and free. When I get home, for the first time in years, all I will have to worry about is, if my bike clothes are clean, why the boys are fighting, and whats on T.V.. If the wife gives me the wink a couple times a week?