Thursday, April 23, 2009

You Get What You Give

There's a lot bouncing around the Wrecking Balls manic skull pack today kiddies. Thoughts of transition are playing on the big screen. It's great to enjoy a good era, and it sucks to be at the bottom of the curve, but by far, transition is the worst. My positive attitude about seeing doctors again, lasted about two days, and the possibility of bad news, is leaning on my shoulders with all its weight. However improbable it may be, I always wonder what I will have to give up this time. I don't mind fighting my way back but damn, can I stay this time?

Back in May of 87, I had a cyst removed from my left wrist. As I was coming out of the ether, the doctor told me to prepare for not being able to play drums again. They had to cut tendons to remove the thing growing in my hand, and my ability to move my wrist was forever altered. I gave up skateboarding (a lifetime obsession) and took baby steps back to being the drummer I once was. It took three years and my hand hurts to this day. In 2005, I had ulnar entrapment surgery on my left elbow. It was really just a speed bump. Then two years ago I had the zipper installed in my neck. You all know that story. I am going to look like Edward Scissor Hands by the time they are done with me. *I put that in there so you all would have something funny to comment amongst yourselves*

I am an all or nothing guy. I always wonder what people are thinking when they say things like "can't you just do it for fun?" or "maybe you could just know not be as serious about it?" I know they are just trying to be positive but I am always to compelled to punch them. For me it is fun to do something as well as I can, and if I can't do that, I find the activity in question aggravating. It's why I don't jam with people. It's why I don't ride a long board, its why I don't sing karaoke. For me it is a reminder that I have lowered the bar yet again, due to circumstances beyond my control.

So I will playing the "worst case scenario" game for the next few days. I have a lot to be thankful for (you have to say that in situations like this, as to not piss off potential omnipotent beings pulling strings on your behalf)....but I have to say I am sailing through the stages of grief at light speed. Then I go back to the top of the list and start over. I have noticed beer helps. I know one way or the other, I will pull this marshmallow out of the fire, but I also know I may not like the taste.

Well universe, thanks for the curve ball.


W.B.Z.N. ....emphasis on the Z.N.