Sunday, July 27, 2008

Coming Up Close




I remember when I first started riding. I would roll up to other cyclists and they would look at my bike. The judgement was obvious. You are what you ride and what you wear. The other side of the coin is, when you get the good gear, they wonder if you are genuine or if you just bought the package. The hard core's are always trying to spot the posers. It must be an ancient survival trait, to sort out the enemy in the tribe, and keep the bloodlines free of those in the genetic shallow end. It is the root of prejudice, but the reality is, we all have a concept of who we are, and no one wants to mingle below their station. We all pretend we don't give a shit what people think, but when you have that awkward moment of being displaced, your bones rattle.


My whole life I have been at the party, but never on the a-list. I was a skateboarder, surfer, musician, and a manager. There were plenty of times that I was on the cool side of the velvet rope, but I was never really a member of any of those clubs. I did what I always have done, I squeaked by.


People will always tell you to remain thankful, and point out the great things that you have; family, love, and health. I am aware that I am blessed and that the existence of everyone hangs by tenuous threads. We are all just a car accident, or a doctors diagnosis away from oblivion, and this knowledge has never made me feel better about wanting more. I have been in record company offices. I have had some ricochets with famous people. I have had a brief period of moderate wealth. I have traveled the world, but I always had to endure the up and down stares of those that truly belong. They have a secret language, a posture and an air of entitlement, that sends out a rich pheromone to all others of their ilk. They can spot an impostor at a hundred paces. That's who I am, an imposter


The problem with going to the V.I.P. room and not being welcome, is the long walk home. The place where reality meets expectation. The line where the facts meet the dreams. The place where the party talk and the hang over, walk hand in hand. The adjustment to the upgrade takes seconds, but a step backward is a long, painful, journey.


I will always be more comfortable holding the door, than walking through it. I am grateful for the glimpse, and even though I was a thief in the temple, I did light a candle. The game goes on, and there is never enough to bridge the gap to happiness. We all know it's not about things you can buy. It's about being centered. It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you have. I am very happy to be back among my own, and I am in desperate need of a new dream.

More on the trip later......

W.B.Z.N.

16 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

Brother Ball- we have missed you.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Back athca Babe! I am wondering if I ever had a thought or opinion before I had this blog. I can't do anything now without writing about it in my head, or wondering if I should put it in the blog.
That's my way of saying I missed you all, lurkers and posters alike.

BIG JIM S. said...

WB, this poser is glad to see you back. I look forward to riding/training with you in the weeks and months to come.

PS: When you post about your trip please explain why all the pig statutes in Seattle.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Thanks Big Jim, I didn't see any pig statues but I did see one in ohio. I'll post a picture tomorrow.

BIGWORM said...

You know ,W.B., as I get older, I'm starting to think, even the A listers, are having those same thoughts. I think the "in crowd" is never sure they actually are. The creme de la creme is a vaporous myth, and for some reason we can get caught up trying to join the fog. For the most part, I like who I am, but as I age, who I am is always changing, if even just a little. Therefore, I constantly stress about trying to impove in some area. I figure that as long as I'm trying to improve for the right reason, it's all good.

It's good to have you back.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

As usual, you hit the nail on the head. I dig that perspective you have BW. Believe it or not I am not sure I want to be a member of the a-listers, I have always been a bad news bear kinda guy and I am comfortable there. Someone needs to make fun of those BASTARDS!

juancho said...

Damn bro, that's so well-stated and real I can't find my sarcasometer device. You must have gone off to writing camp.

A-List BASTARDS rot in hell! Let's ride!

nicol said...

Yeah, this was a really good post, HWB.

Pig statues? :)

BIG JIM S. said...

Hey I'm not making this stuff up. Check out this link http://www.durangotexas.com/washington/wahtml/pigs.htm

When my wife and I were in Seattle last year we couldn't help noticing all of the pig statutes everywhere we went (street corners, department stores, etc.)

BIG JIM S. said...

http://www.durangotexas.com/washington/wahtml/pigs.htm

Little Ball said...

I heard that the A listers don't get reese's and mt. dew! So why would you want to be an A lister!

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Dang, thanks everybody! I wasn't even going to post this. Well now that I got some external validation, I will never write anything good again.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Jim seriously the link had now pictures og pigs....what the hell are you talking about?

BIG JIM S. said...

Sorry, the link got cut off when I tried to paste it. Add a .htm to the end of it.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Still doesn't work.....you are headed for the D-list

nicol said...

That was cool you visited the Roadies blog, HWB. And, I have to say a little more on the eating out in the kits subject. It's enjoyable to wear kits out to eat somewhere after a ride, other than the sweat factor and wanting to get out of them as soon as possible. All that aside, I will say that not only do you get to re-fuel and have conversation with friends, the looks from people can be hilarious and worth the trip right there! And, I am not sure if it's because of the smell, or because of the top to bottom lycra and noisy shoes. It wouldn't be as fun alone, so I hope you can get your crew to do this with you sometime! :)