I am on the verge of surfacing from my third baptism, no wiser than I was on my first.
When I was six, I fell asleep on a kick board in a pool, in St. Mary's Pennsylvania. My Uncle Tom, had just been fitted for a suit. He was walking towards the pool with a priest, when I woke up on the bottom. I pushed for the surface and tried to yell for help. My lungs filled with chlorinated water and I drowned. He jumped in, pulled me out and resuscitated me. I woke up to see a priest, my uncle and my parents looking down at me.
I used to surf at a place called, "The Power Plant". It was deserted most days my friend Rob and I surfed there. On a huge day in November, we paddled out, side by side. We were almost out, when a huge set came through. Rob squeaked by, but I took the whole set on the head and lost my board. I was stuck in the rip and couldn't make any progress. When the next set drove me to the bottom, I heard a voice clearly say: "this is it". I got pushed in by a wave, and ended up in shallow water.
I wonder what it is I am supposed to learn? I don't feel like I live in a fog. I have lost enough to know that nothing should be taken for granted. (Deity of choice) knows I could be a better person, but I have done a lot of good in this life too. The only thing I really know is that for the first time in my life, I know fear. The fear that comes with realizing nothing can keep you safe. The blinders are off.
I am a week away from a date I have been watching for six months. I am at the gate of a mythical goal that I hoped would find me feeling different. I had hoped to feel like my debt was paid and that my sins were erased. I wanted to feel reborn. Every time this happens on T.V. or in a book, there is a message.
All the great currencies of a life; love, health, passion, (insert more here) are limited. It is easy to miss the point. Pay attention, it's happening right now.
W.B.Z.N.
