Saturday, August 2, 2008

Emotional Rescue

I once had a physciatrist tell me that I was a mascot. The term apparently refers to people that resolve conflict by being funny. It's a role I played in my large family. The down side is it makes me neurotic. Kind of like Robin Williams on crack.

Today I rode with Squatch and Juancho. I have never considered myself a mediator, that's how Squatch referred to me. These two are quite a pair. If what we did today was a movie, it would have been Lawrence Of Arabia, substitute the bikes for the camels, and the Turks and Arabs, for Juancho and Squatch.

It started cool and rainy and ended hot and oppressive, the weather was weird too. Juancho is a man on a mission and like most of the converted, his zeal is a tad Jim Jonesie. I love it. I envy his quest. He is getting skinnier, tougher, and as he sheds his skin, a little gnarly. He was pretty focused on Squatch, who was playing a mental game of chess all day with our hero. He played well and refused to give up, which set the theme for the ride. A six and a half hour Mexican stand off started at G.B.S. and included: Fern, Tom Brown (Squatch smashed his bad knee), Cadillac, the Green Way, a stop at a mysto store, that I am still not sure was real or hallucination,

part of the Food Lion Loop,

the hills from the Joe's Loop, a stop at Fresh Market, for weird stares, banana's and O.J.,

the secret single track climb (Squatch cramped), and (after waiting for someone to blink and draw pistols) I cried "UNCLE!" and we headed back to town, via the power line, and parted ways on Live Oak. I know that was a long sentence, but the ride was six and a half hours. I got to see their abusive relationship, and they got a peak into the mascot closet. I think we are even, but you'll have to ask them.

There's a lot more to this story, and two hours of activity I missed, before I invited myself on this love fest. I will leave that to Juancho to clear up. Their Will Be Blood, I promise you. I may not be invited to ride with those boys for a while, but I will say this: I had a good time, and now I have enough hours this week a day early. When you get a second, ask Juancho how he feels about pace lining on the road.

The following is a rant Juancho launched into on the ride. Priceless.

Did you catch the nipple check?



juancho said...

Without you it would have been a 5 minute MMA brawl instead of a 6 hour ride. Hey, I feel great! I'm going to munson right now.

Bounce said...

That's hilarious.

sasquatch said...

W.B., you were the sunshine even before it came out. You even provided Juancho and me a few moments of solidarity over your interesting routes. And don't think I didn't catch all of the camel implications. Those beasts top out at what? 6 mph?

Anonymous said...

What is that thing hanging off his lower lip? No disrespect to Bushy but that damn thing is bushy, and pubic, ewwwww.
And yes, he gave the nips a quick affirmation squeeze.

juancho said...

drool router.

Anonymous said...

practical...good, I'm just jealous I couldn't grow as bushy a router as that.