Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Ridin Dirty

Another cycling legend is under suspicion of doping charges. The cycling world was rocked by allegations that famous blogger, and semi-competitive cyclist: The Human Wrecking Ball is the subject of a performance enhancing drug scandal. After finishing a career best fourth place in the Tom Brown race, the other beginners cried foul and asked for an inquest into the sudden jump in W.B.'s performance.

'We've gotten very used to taking his money and never seeing him again, but this year the guy gets the whole shot? It's a little weird." Dave Berger (race organiser) commented on Monday. "Look, we run a clean program and if he wants to do drugs and race....he should take his road bike to Europe where that kind of thing is expected!"

The allegations arose after photos of Wrecking Ball (in the 2004 race) surfaced on the Trail Gnome web site earlier this week. The difference in the appearance of the rider raised eyebrows across the north east section of the county, and soon after demands for an investigation grew.

Before in 2004

After in 2008

"Look anyone can tell something is different about the guy. He has a ton more facial hair and he looks like he is going to kill someone. I think team pressure (from BikeChain.com) finally got to him, I mean look at the guy, he's obviously filled with rage and he's wearing purple pants. I don't know how he beat Red Dragon (long time rival and team manager) back in 04."
A fellow beginner class rider (that asked not to be named) commented off the record:
"I just think it sucks for the beginner riders that have to spend all their money, to take four pounds off their bikes and borrow parts, just to stay competitive! The guy wears a camel back ...I mean ...Who does that!"

"Look who cares? I wasn't even on a box...I was on the grass for Christ sakes! Big Jim has won two races after not riding for nine years... how come nobody is investigating him! Let a short guy finish top five and it has to be drugs right? Why, because I am the only guy in my class with hair? It's discrimination, pure and simple!"
Wrecking Ball said in a press conference (that no one attended, he recorded his own comments and demanded we print them).

Greg LeMond will be in town later this week to interrupt the a small discussion group.

Fellow Team mate and accused sand bagger Big Jim Slade, could not be reached for comment. The five people that read his blog really could care less about the scandal, but admitted they would probably read it if Juancho doesn't post anything that day.

Stay tuned for developments in this story, if you feel like it, or are in prison, or a family member of the accused.

W.B.Z.N. news


Fat Lad said...

We have to stick together T. Small people of the world unite! I am asking you now to join my newborn administration against descrimination of the under height amongst us:

Short Hairy Outraged Riders Together!

Fat Lad

BIG JIM S. said...

Big Jim Slade was heard to commit after the Tom Brown Race “did anyone else see the leaprocon on WBs rear derailleur.” It is no secret that the WB derives from Irish descent. This investigation is turning away from doping allegations to more of a lucky charm occurrence.

Ms. Moon said...

That Sudafed will get you in trouble every time.

juancho said...

Sorry I posted, you 're the true rock star these days anyway.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

All I want to say is: this Tijuana Flats, Havana Ford, Libby Allen, Gaurdian Automotive, Tallahassee Orthopedics, Big Worm tuned Giant Trance ran good. You know it's a team effort and rubbin's racin and I want to thank God for givin me this opportunity and I am sure we will be vindicated of all these charges, cause Man, ya know the French hate a winner and they hate Lance, so I hate them Man, and I know I rode good and felt good and I gave a hundred ten percent. I wanna thank my sponsors...go fast and turn left! If you aint first yer last.

TallahasseeTrails said...

Sorry, WB. I had no idea posting those old photos would lead to these accusations. "Whole" shots? Leaprocons? Others have their opinions. However, once Fat Lad has spoken, it's in for a penny, in for a pound.
Let's review more photos and let the jury decide.
Exhibit A: WBZN showcasing a python, 2008.
Exhibit 2: Big Worm stylin and profilin forearms pumped after pre-sawing the rails of his saddle, 2008. I'm just sayin.
Exhibit J: Let Joe be Joe.

Before we view this next bit of evidence, I might suggest turning your head to the side, so as to avoid soiling your monitor and keyboard.
Exhibit Q: Famed Low Flying Planes heterosexual keyboard/vocalist Joe SixPack playing the air handlebars, 2004.
I'd particularly like to hear the ladies' opinions on that last entry.
My opinion? All 4 of you should deny the allegations and the alleg-haters. Let the healing begin.
"Cary" on,
Trail Gnome
"If I fall you're going down with me" - Trail running advice from my Dixie Chicks
"Pugsley: It's how I roll"
Trail Gnome's home

bikechain said...

This made me laugh. Nothing like trumping my use of third person this weekend by using third person interviews. I will resist the urge to claim I am back and simply say I will be ON the ride tonight. Red Dragon aka K dub

BIGWORM said...

How the hell did I get sucked into this debacle??!! I'm sitting here quietly thinking that it's just about time for my next Quarterly Blog Entry, click over to check my friends venues, and BLAM, Trail Gnome hits me with a bus! It's just not right I tell ya!

Human Wrecking Ball said...

I'd love to comment, but I have to go rub cortisone cream on my thighs and take a hit of hoss roids in the stinker!

juancho said...

I didn't know epo could make you look so swollen.

TallahasseeTrails said...

Swollen like this?
Trail Gnome
"If I fall you're going down with me" - Trail running advice from my Dixie Chicks
"Pugsley: It's how I roll"
Trail Gnome's home
Trail Gnome's Fortress of Solitude