If there is anything to the Karma principle, I have gotten off easy. I was quite a tool in my former lives, and amassed a resume of atrocities my catholic confessions couldn't wash from my memory, or my soul. I can imagine what people that still know me, are saying aloud to their computers. I may still be tool*ish*, but believe when I say, I have traveled far. I have been blessed beyond anything I had imagined and as I have stated many times (in this Google approved layout) I find myself wanting more. This usually leads to all kinds of retrospective analyzation and a cruel form of Monday morning quarterbacking. It is by far my most practiced dark room activity.
I fell victim to one of the oldest adages; "Nice guys finish last". Like a chump I believed it and never hooked up a filter to my cerebral cortex. I cannot tell you how many times I have missed the boat only to wave to the nice guy, on the deck of said boat, drinking a cocktail. I suppose some of it could be genetic. Some of it could be environmental. The Napoleon Complex is an oldie but goody, but none of these excuses ever get me to sleep sooner.
If I have any redeeming traits, I have learned them on a bicycle. The bike has changed my world and introduced me to more like minded people than I have ever met. I believe the lessons I learn in the saddle have had more influence on my daily thinking than any activity I have pursued. It is the common thread that decides how I plan my days, who I associate with, how I vote, and who I hope to be. It dictates when I go to sleep, how I eat, and when I do laundry. It reaches further into my life everyday and like any true passion, one can never get enough.
I have much to learn as a person, and a cyclist. I have a big open space where my dreams used to be. I want to fill them with something that is fulfilling and successful. I know a change is going to come. Until then... I need to go ride.
*photo by Trail Gnome*