Monday, February 22, 2010

Pretzel Logic


Sub atomic particles appear and disappear at will. Some particles can be in two places at one time. Virtual particles can become real and be measured. Some particles leave virtual turbulence when they disappear.


I do not pretend to understand physics. I suck at math, but every time I hear someone (like Stevie B. Hawking) talk about the little universe, I immediately make the jump to what I have thought forever: One disturbance in the chain can disrupt the universe.


For me it started with San Felasco prep. I'm a responsible kind of chap. I like to head things off at the pass. I like to hold up my end of the bond, and I have little patience for the unprepared of our planet. I took my bike to get fixed and upset the order of the bicycle. New parts were introduced, and problems appeared that were previously not there. As those problems were addressed, new parts and mechanics were brought into play, and the issues deepened. I tried to keep my energy controlled, but the more patience I applied, the less logic occurred. Whenever a problem was solved a new one took its place. I rode through the virtual and actual turbulence with varied results. All the towns greatest minds converged on my vehicle with equal amounts of victory and defeat. Finally the issues whittled down to noises and annoyances. The latest was a creek in the cranks which Worm (insert black hole theory joke here) fixed. Immediately after the relief set in, and I believed quiet riding was in my future, a pedal began to squeak. Just as mysteriously as it appeared it vanished. Ten minutes later, I had the worst Asthma attack of my life. My particles are disturbed and it doesn't end with the bike.



I find no humor in the fact that my new TV is a container of volatile Plasma gas. Since I brought the new TV into my house nothing has been the same. It emits high EMF, which played havoc with my infra-red remote control system. My home theatre, which had worked perfectly for years, developed a series of symptoms, that no logical audio video tweak, could connect to the new television. My five year old DVD player will not sync to the new set. They are of different HDMI eras, and a digital hand shake is impossible, due to one pin in the new wires. For reasons that deny explanation, my powered sub woofer works only after I have decided it will never work again. Just like sub atomic particles, the act of observing them changes their behavior.



The Bike Chain Crew was last together at San Felasco, since then members have been randomly appearing and disappearing. Sometimes we run into people on the trail that didn't know about the ride. Sometimes people say they will ride and don't show up. Sometimes we all start rides together and finish in different places. Some members exist but are never seen. I can not take any more of the random disorder.



I could go on for hours (like Dennis Hopper at the end of Apocalypse Now) but I suspect that you too have disappeared and are in an alternate Blogiverse as we speak, even though you seem to be in this dimension, or else why would I be talking to you?



I long for the boredom that preceded this period of flux. If any of you see my lost particles appearing in an alternate state would you please send them home? I fear if it does not happen soon, I will cease to exist....if I ever did at all.



W.B.Z.N.

17 comments:

juancho said...

I am not there.

Ms. Moon said...

Oh honey. Go eat a cheeseburger and drink a chocolate milkshake. That should settle your particles.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

J- and yet your gravity is evident by those orbiting you.
M/M-The act of grilling meat loads it with free radicals. I can't except any more radio activity right now. I like the idea of the shake, but frankly the name makes me nervous. Maybe a frape' or egg cream would be more soothing...I probably need a smoothie if we are going on name alone.
My word verification is: ENIGSTA...That would make a good nick name for me!

Double Nought Seven said...

It appears you have traded in your bike for a thesaurus or some other highly educated particle beam intelligence flux capacitor. I recommend you hit the woods or a half pipe or the surf in order to balance your isotopes. Remember V=V.T+ATsquared. Beer and wafflehouse don't go together. Call me tubby tubby muffin top!

WheelDancer said...

Your lost particles may have shown up here but since sending them back will cause additional upset in this dimension, I don't want to take the chance. I wonder how long until the burger joints start marketing their free radicals as a bonus; $.99 burgers with FREE radicals, git yers now!

Velosopher said...

Woah...

Magnum said...

you like that band Was Not Was?

BIG JIM said...

Resistance if futile.

BIG JIM said...

So much for being funny. Dumbass can't even spell "is"....so again "Resistance IS futile"

BIGWORM said...

I think the first version was better, Big Jim.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

00-funny, we aren't falling for any of that "I'm so out of shape" secret agent crap. We all know you are training in Russia, carrying big logs through the snow.
WD-just send the particles back and no string theories will be altered.
Velo...I know right?
Mags-what up dog?
Jim-lay down before you hurt yourself.
Worm-wyd?

reverend dick said...

Well I don't know where it is now (appropriate that I find this post in it's place...) but I just read a race report that had my hear rate ramping up and me muttering getupgetup...dang.
Good one.

Magnum said...

yeah, did my comment get the whole thing deleted? It was a compliment, really.

Human Wrecking Ball said...

It wasn't you mags. Thanks Rev and all all who commented. I re read it and it just seemed like bragging and really negative, so I deleted it. Sorry.

Magnum said...

man! It was awesome, what you talking about?

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Thanks Mag, well if anyone has a copy of the post in their email trash, send it to me and I will re-post it...
twreckingball@google.com

Human Wrecking Ball said...

sorry (brain cloud) twreckingball@gmail.com