Monday, July 18, 2011

Crossroads



Back in the in nineties I quit drinking for five years. I didn't have a drop. I realized the sauce was not my friend and not only got on, but bought, painted and drove the wagon. All went well for a long time. I didn't even drink at my wedding. Then one night I had a real beer. I had been going through the motions (with the near beer kind) and it was all fine till the McCoy went down my Irish gullet. My whole body Grand Malled in one exquisite seizure of recognition. All though I never went back to my "hey I wonder where my car is?" status, my days as a non alcohol devotee had ended. The O'Doul's would never heal my wounds again. It is one thing to abstain when you have never indulged, and quite another to taste the nectar and repent.



Dieting has been a similar exercise for me. I am fine once I find a thing I can eat and lose weight. The novelty and receding pounds distract you from the fact that you haven't eaten anything good in months. Then (quite innocently) you go to a Mexican restaurant with friends after a ride. That alchemy of Mariachi, Americanized, cheesy Eden hits your buds (which have been languishing in solitary at Gitmo) and you are officially F*#^+D! You will catch your reflection while you make your next salad and wonder if Tolstoy ever witnessed such misery.


And so kiddies this is the point I am zooming in on. Can one go back to his goat herd after a great vacation in Gomorrah? Time will tell. Jauncho had a burger. I had Mexican food. Who will return to the monastery, and put on the hair shirt first? What does it mean when Big Jim Slade tells you to eat a hamburger while he sheds 20 pounds in five weeks?



It is how we perform at the bottom of the curve that determines our eventual altitude.



W.B.Z.(*BURP*)N.

11 comments:

Ms. Moon said...

What the hell? I think I liked you men better when you didn't diet. Jesus.
But I did really enjoy this post.

nicol said...

Yeah, this was a really good post, Mr. HWB. But, what the what with all the dieting going on down there? (Right before reading this, I ate a medium-sized, homemade blueberry muffin. I wonder now if I should go repent and eat some celery...or if there's no more hope for me.) ;-)

BIG JIM said...

Ha!

Human Wrecking Ball said...

Thanks Sister Moon, The world is changing. It's the guys now that watch every calorie.
Nick (put your hands on the screen and close your eyes)...I ABSOLVE THEE!!!!!

BIGWORM said...

Belay that last comment, Nicol! If that was a homemade blueberry muffin, well I think you're right on the path to all that is good. If she was a factory fake, well, you have a few more steps to take, but there is hope!

nicol said...

I'm seein' the light again!

Velosopher said...

I sure hope your last line is true.

The Old Bag said...

The last line is great, however, consider reshaping the curve rather than letting the curve shape you.

Dude, lighten up on the bun but chow down on that burger. Turn up your nose at the sugar and refined filler, but wolf on the fruits and veggies. You'll be fine.

Juancho said...

For clarity: I had a 1/2 lb. lean organic beef patty served on 1/2 cup of cooked brown rice with all the raw red chard I could eat. So decadent!

Still, it hooked me right up.

WheelDancer said...

I better figure out how to get down there and ride with you guys before you're all Cat 1's with .2% body fat that I only get to see for a fleeting moment at the trail head as you drop me like a southern muffin top. I am also on a quest to be less of a man so perhaps it will all work out anyway.

after Mungam finished his KrispyKreme bacon cheddar burger, he said...

The trendy new fitness diet seems to be on a level somewhere between Karen Carpenter and Luther Vandross.